I conceived this palace constructed of
the reflection of a gleaming river moon.
The stars gazed down and descended
to watch the castle’s corymbs bloom
and float dance on creation’s solstice.
The celebrations interrupted with zealot
diplomats, marching over the east.
The bright ambassadors of morning,
continuing their divining conquest.
Their only tool, radiance, revealed
my house of gray stone and fireflies.
These bureaucracies of light
tend to remind me why
I prefer the night.
©2007-2008 ~John-A-Dreams
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Submitted: November 6, 2007
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Comments: 24
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Submitted: November 6, 2007
File Size: 672 bytes
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 24
Favourites & Collections: 47 [who?]
Views
Total: 738
Today: 0
Downloads
Total: 8
Today: 0
Thumb
Author's Comments
This was inspired by "The Bright Ambassadors of Morning" by Pure Reason Revolution (which was originally inspired from a line in a Pink Floyd song).
Edited: Nov 19th
New Title: Lost in Imagination, Until the Sun Shined Bright
Edited: March 26th
I killed the last two lines for now. Some stuff in the middle changed.
Also I didn't like the old title because it was too unwieldy.
Another New Title: Advancing Aubades and Phantom Palaces
Edited: Nov 19th
New Title: Lost in Imagination, Until the Sun Shined Bright
Edited: March 26th
I killed the last two lines for now. Some stuff in the middle changed.
Also I didn't like the old title because it was too unwieldy.
Another New Title: Advancing Aubades and Phantom Palaces
Daily Deviation, 2008-04-04
Advancing Aubades and Phantom Palaces by ~John-A-Dreams is a neat little poem with strong imagery, reflecting the poet's vivid imagination. (Featured by ^lovetodeviate)
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Devious Comments
--
"No I'm sure the problem is with the operator, not the operating system."
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"No I'm sure the problem is with the operator, not the operating system."
Question: why is this categorised under Open? While the form isn't consistent, there is a pattern, and an enjoyable one too.
I'm not crazy about the ending couplet, though. It says too much.
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Literature Gallery Director
*Writers-Workshop | ~LineCount | *theunknownartists | `seniormentors
Also I agree about the ending. Do you think it should end two lines earlier or continue with an some sort of ending metaphor?
I like the poem ending on "the night", but continuing could also work.
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Literature Gallery Director
*Writers-Workshop | ~LineCount | *theunknownartists | `seniormentors
I don't know if lovetodeviate's comments refer to the text as it is now, or if it's since been modified, but personally I loved the ending, and how plain the 'gray house of stone' sounds in comparison.
I also loved that you used words I've never even heard of - I'm relatively well-read, but I can't say I've come across "corymbs" before... dictionary time
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"Come my friends, 'tis not too late to seek a newer world." -- Tennyson
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It's not mess, it's curiosity...
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